Jokes of the day for Friday, 15 October 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 15 October 2021 |
Judy and Ted got married and h
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children. Then Ted died of Heart Disease.She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Again Judy remarried, and this time she and John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?"
Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel."
The Marriage of Miss Bad Breath and Mr. Smelly Feet
A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister.“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.“Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise.“Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.”The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!”“Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replied,” everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it.”“No, you don’t understand,” the bride implored. “My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!”“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves. They one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!”The Invisible Man
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
Creating genetic hybrids of a ...
Creating genetic hybrids of a species is known as animalgamation.Name plates
Three young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day.A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion, and that each woman would get her own office with her name on the door.
One day one of the women came in and found to her surprise that the other women had already moved into their own offices.
Going to her boss's office, she asked when her own office would be provided.
He pulled back his chair from his desk and unzipped his fly. "See this?" he asked, "This is quality, and in this company, quality goes in before the name goes on."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norr...
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.Doing 3 knots!
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old times sake.He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.
After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Strange People Are Here
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.'
Ted Alexandro: Future Wife
Im single. I often think about my future wife and how lax shes been about getting in touch with me. 30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes!
What is a pig’s favorite song?
"Don’t Go Bacon My Heart."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite musical?
"Grease."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine."
What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork.
Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon.
Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz.
Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine.
What’s a bacon enthusiast’s favorite play?
"Hamlet."
What’s the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I’ve got bacon."
What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine!
Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet.
What’s the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up!
How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.’
What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig.
What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom.
How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one’s looking!
What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket!
Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon.
With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary.
Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon.
What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink.
Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog.
What’s the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks.
What’s the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck.
What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon.
What did the pig say at the beach?
"It’s so hot, I’m bacon!"
You've Given Me A Gift
At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."
Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"
Parents explaining body parts
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers.
“Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks.
“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
The very high health care costs
Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them. In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.
April Fool's Day - Toilet Surprise
Print out a life-size face (this can be anyone-someone in your family, a monster, a celebrity, your victim, or even yourself). Attach it to the underside of the toilet seat facing up. Now close the lid to the toilet. When your victim lifts the lid, they will get a scare! 
