Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 March 2023

GPT chatbot never feels blue on Mondays

Why did the GPT chatbot never feel blue on Mondays?

Because it always started the week with a byte of humor and a gigglebit of fun!

Hear about the diet soft drink

Hear about the diet soft drink for Boomers? Empty Nestea.

Googled My Symptoms

I’ve been feeling a bit moody & run down recently, so I googled my symptoms to see what I have.
Kids…
I have kids!

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him, "You can stay here but we have one important rule: all students observe Mouna or a vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years." After practicing for 12 long years, the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.He said: "The bed is too hard."He kept going for another 12 years of austere discipline, meditation and silence and finally got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."

Shopping trip...

Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" the cashier inquired.

"No," she replied. "But my husband, Jeff, refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

Jessi Klein: Sexy Librarian

I have brown hair and I wear these glasses, and I usually have my hair up in a bun, so the other thing guys have often said to me is, Youre like a sexy librarian. Youre like a sexy librarian type. Youre a sexy librarian. And Im like, Ive always thought of myself as more of a bookish whore. Sort of, you know, less of a nerd, more of a slut.

A Confident Genius

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.

The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000."

The idiot says, "Okay."

The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5.

The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5,000.

The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"

The idiot hands over $5.

TWO tigers are walking through...

TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologises.
After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: "What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says: "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Never criticize someone unless...

Never criticize someone unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

The Sklar Brothers: Andrew Dice Clay

Jason Sklar: After Dice performs for an hour its no longer a comedy room. Its a disaster area.
Randy Sklar: I dont want to say it was a disaster area, but FEMA showed up three weeks late.