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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 15 May 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 15 May 2022

I saw a live witchcraft perfor

I saw a live witchcraft performance last night. They had me spellbound. Those ladies did a hex of a job.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.30/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (10)

A stranger's advice

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. 

After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night." 

The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." 

The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. 

When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. 

As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. 

Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" 

Bar

"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

#joke
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #114 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Ticket Trouble

A minister was pulled over for speeding. As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to him, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.”The cop handed the minister the ticket and said, “Go thou and sin no more.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (18)

A well known womaniser with a

A well known womaniser with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood local and ordered a drink.
The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some cheesed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop screwing his wife."
"So stop," the barkeep said.
"I can't," the womaniser replied, taking a long swill. "The idiot didn't sign his name!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Twenty-Five Dollar Haircut

A balding man went into a barber’s shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.
“Twenty-five dollars,” said the barber.
“Twenty-five dollars, that’s crazy!” exclaimed the man. “I’ve hardly got any hair. How can it be that expensive?”
The barber explained, “It’s $5 for the actual cut and $20 for the search fee.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 May 2019
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (17)

Leave a sample...

An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing.

After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."

The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"

The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 June 2016
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

History of Math in America

Last week I purchased a drink at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my 2 one dollar bills. I then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In The 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In The 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In The 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In The 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)
6. Teaching Math In The 2000s
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you.
7. Teaching Math In 2011
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 May 2011
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (61)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 May 2009
  • Currently 5.26/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (57)

When Chuck Norris does divisio...

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 May 2011
  • Currently 3.39/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (54)

Recyclables

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.

Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?

Canadian: We send 'em to France to get turned into paper plates.

French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send 'em to France to get turned into picket fences. Hey, what do you do with your used crazy glue?

French man: We send it to Canada to get turned into bubble gum!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 May 2012
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (47)

Brian Regan: Einstein

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, its an insult? You dont know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein. I dont think were honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 May 2010
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (41)

A husband and wife were in the...

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, "That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 August 2015
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (45)

How much?

A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her

"Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?"

Without skipping a beat she screams

"Yes!"

The man then asks

"What about for $20?"

She looks at him sideways and says

"What do you think I am, a whore?"

The man says

"We've already established that you are, now we're just negotiating."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 October 2014
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Pee in the pool....

Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny.

"That may be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 March 2017
  • Currently 6.89/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (19)

Memorial Day

Memorial Day
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 May 2018
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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