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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 April 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 April 2021

A boy who was a witness to a c

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

Mistaken Identity

When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken...
Mistaken for patience!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #44 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Girls Night Out...

The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 April 2015
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

A young preacher was contacted

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to holda grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someonewith no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly gothimself lost, making several wrong turns.
He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and theworkmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already inplace. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say:"Think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2015
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Hahahahahaha

The joke is:























!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 April 2013
  • Currently 1.97/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (77)

Three men were discussing at a...

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2015
  • Currently 8.35/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (52)

Corporate Story

At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, 'Didn’t you understand my joke?'
The guy replied, 'Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.'

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 April 2017
  • Currently 8.58/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (48)

Maria Bamford: Fulfilling Potential

Im afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 April 2012
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (44)

This reminds me of something y...

This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and…
“Where does mommy live?”
“Minneapolis.”
“Where does grandma live?”
“Baltimore.”
“Where does grandpa live?”
“Baltimore.”
“And where does daddy live?”
“At work!”
Needless to say, he took the morning off that next […]
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 April 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (33)

10 funny one-liners from North West comedians

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." - Peter Kay

"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals." - Peter Kay

"So this bloke says to me, 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought, "'That's all I need - a Je-hoover's witness.'" - Peter Kay

"So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, 'That's a turtle disaster.'- Peter Kay

"We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out." - Lee Mack

"I’m in a relationship at the moment. Sorry girls... it’s going to have to be your place." - Lee Mack

"I went to see a handwriting expert last week, she could tell I was laid-back, gullible and well-off just from a signature on a cheque." - Lee Mack

"I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it." - Ken Dodd

"My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke?'" - Ken Dodd

"Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions." - Ken Dodd

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 November 2019
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Old Josh was sat in his garden...

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.
"If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars," said Josh.
His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray. He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Josh was amazed. He gave the boy ten dollars, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.
About an hour later Josh came back into the garden and gave his grand-son another ten dollars.
"But grandpa," said the boy, "you've already given me the ten dollars you promised."
"That's from your grandma," said Josh.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 November 2017
  • Currently 7.68/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (37)

A guy was driving when a polic...

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" 
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" 
The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" 
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 August 2010
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (28)

I don’t work on monday

I don’t work on monday’s, i make appearances
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 December 2014
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

I'm nervous...

"I'm nervous... I've never been with a prostitute before..."
"It's alright baby, just tell me what you like."
"I like turtles."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Annual Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 August 2016
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

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